Fooled!

I was struck by my professor's response to my classmate after the latter said that the institution he trusts the most is school. The response my professor made was not really unusual. Actually, she just asked, "really?" It was a very question that, I am sure, many would not bother try to contemplate. But I did.

Since kindergarten, I studied at this school in Bulacan. I stayed there until I graduated from high school. It was eleven years; I was supposed to be very nostalgic when remembering that school, but I was neither missing that school nor even becoming nostalgic when thinking about it. Remembering it suggests my day to be ruined. Worse, thinking of my hardships there made me feel as if I have wasted every energy I exerted for the betterment of that school.

I was a consistent academic achiever. Never an academic year passed without me receiving medals and other special and extra-curricular awards. I was a part of several student organizations advocating the development and progress of the student's welfare. Honestly, I never joined any organization in that school without the thought of making it the best school at our district. I was also fond of joining competitions where we face competitors from the same district and, when fortunate enough, even battling schools from the entire province.
Making that school made me proud of myself knowing that I did something that is not only beneficial to myself, but also to my schoolmates. I obeyed the rules. I followed their words. I feel like a fool now.

Let me put it this way. The situation was like the person you trust the most betrayed you by stealing your happiness. Is the situation still vague? The person you trust the most promised you to be there when you are at your worst, but turned out to be someone who make you even worse.

Not that I am expecting too much, I just know that I was running for the top honor on our graduation day. When the scores were counted, it turned out that I was right. I topped the other candidates for valedictorian on the extra-curricular category and even got the highest points on the academic area. I was so happy, but not for long.

They did not want to give me the award. They would give it to someone who gives a lot of donations to the school. At first, I thought things be fair. But no. My ego integrity was diverted into despair. Call me bitter, but I will not allow anyone to call me a sour loser. I was never that way, because before I learned the art of winning, I mastered first the art of losing. I have been through a lot of defeats, and I never begged for anything I never deserve.

My trusted faculties betrayed me. Of my teachers, only two supported me. They were my strong back when I was at my worst emotions. I was also fortunate to have a family whose support helped me in elevating whatever joy was left. I also have the best set of friends, and some classmates and schoolmates who cheered me up by saying that they know I was the best. They made me feel appreciated.

After everything that had happened -- from the way other teachers manipulated the grades to the way they jumbled the awards --- I feel exploited. Why? Because I thought that by helping my monster teacher through doing her assignments on her masteral degree and always making her have a grade of A whenever I make her those assignments and book reports would make me feel proud till I get old. After seeing the real her, I feel deeply exploited. Moreso when I remember defending her to my family when my family said that it not right for me to do those things. Oh, writing this makes me remember her evil deeds as she connived with the other monsters in our school.

I could label the school as a psychological one for it is ran by psychologists. But they never cared of the students emotions. They never cared what adversed effects their fraud would give the students. I was not the only victim, my friend was also given what she did not deserve. Now, tell me if my efforts were fruitful.

I should not dwell on past hurts; no one should. I have a bigger world around me. Anyway, allow me to say thank you, dear alma mater. You taught me how cruel this world can be, and you made me realize that I should not trust easily. I was more critical now.

Eleven years is eleven years. As my classmates smile by thinking of our memories there, here I am annoyed as memories were all covered by my hate. I even avoid looking at our yearbook. However, I should not detest that school for without it I would have never come across with people who have really inspired me.

Machiavelli was right, "the end justifies the means."